2018. This year has had my highest highs and my lowest lows in many aspects of my life. I feel after such a roller coaster of a year that I should reflect on everything that has happened. To remember all the good and bad to better prepare for the coming year.
Academically I took some of the hardest classes I have ever taken but got some of the best grades of my academic history. I am so proud of the projects I have made. I started getting incredibly involved with my major and loving every second of it. These classes are incredibly challenging and have many tough graders, but has given me confidence in my abilities. I am proud of the projects I have made, and this year has shown me I was meant to go into this field. Any previous doubts have faded and are now replaced with great confidence. Hearing my professors say they love my work was so impactful and encouraging. Words can't describe how amazing my professors have been in lifting me up and helping me grow. I feel excited for what my future career!
I grew as a leader and suffered enormous consequences from it. It was an amazing experience leading a sorority chapter. I am so honored to have been elected and trusted with such an experience. However, I lost myself during that position. When you see all the bad, it can be so difficult to see the good. I struggled to remember the good and in turn, got consumed by negativity. I became bitter and angry. I was depressed. I cried over the chapter and at one point wanted to quit. It brought me to one of the lowest points in my life. It wasn't until I went home after months of not seeing my parents and hearing them say I seemed stressed and unhappy that I realized what an impact the position had on my mental health. This year and that position made me incredibly unhappy. I am glad I had the experience, but I am beyond relieved to no longer hold the position. I am ready to walk into a new year without such a burden on my shoulders.
I began the year quitting the job I had hated for years. I focused on my waitressing job and enjoyed the money I had made. I ended the year adding two other jobs. One at Edible Arrangements and Macy’s. Both jobs I enjoyed a lot and got great experiences from. I made good money and finally had jobs I greatly appreciated. I look forward to continuing working for these companies. It has been a nice change in pace wanting to go to work instead of feeling nothing but dread.
The place in which I thrived the most is with friendships. I cut out some toxic people in my life. Girls who would be nice to my face and then tear me down I quit playing nice I just stopped acknowledging them. I am not going out of my way to be nice to people who aren't nice to me. I got closer to some friends that I was already close with and even made some new friends. I have a group of super close friends. They’re five of us, and I don't know where I would be without them. Two of them I have been friends with for years now, and we are all so close. However, this year I got closer with a friend that I started talking to last May and got to know another friend whom I had barely spoken to before. These two women whom I had barely spoken to the previous semester have had such an impact on my life. They have become such lights in my life. I don’t know how I lived without them being a part of my life. They are my people and the fab five as we like to refer to ourselves as has been the best thing to happen to me this year. They are my rock and just some of the most important people in my life. They made 2018 better.
What did I learn? You will not always win the battle, and maybe that's how it is supposed to be. I got some major blows this year, and yet everything turned out exactly how it was supposed to. I feel the most at peace and happier than I have in a long time. I feel free and excited about new adventures. I am a huge believer everything happens as it should and ending this year I can say that is so incredibly true. Things I didn't understand why it was happening I now completely understand, and I am so grateful things ended the way it did.
Another thing I learned is you can do everything right and still be torn apart. People won't acknowledge the incredibly hard work you put into something instead try and tear you down. People will also not see half the effort you put into something. I need to not get bitter when this happens. I need to learn to let go and know what I accomplished was done, and that I did my best work.
Biggest revelation? 2018 honestly broke me. I am a completely different person from where I started at the beginning of this year — some for the better and yes some for the worse. However, it also showed me I could put myself back together and become a better stronger version of myself. I lost myself, and now I am going to go back to my roots and maybe even find parts of myself I had never seen before.
What do I want to improve on? Not letting people’s negativity impact me so significantly. I want not to take it so personally and hurt me so deeply. I had a girl this year look me in the eye and tear apart every single thing about me. That person is as unhappy as she tried to make me feel and I know that now even though I didn't realize it at the time. I want to also work on being more positive. I tend to look at the negative and focus on it forgetting all the good. This is a bad habit I want to see myself do better at. Lastly, surround myself with genuine true friends. The people who have and will continue being there for me. I’m no longer letting people be fake nice to me and then find out the nasty things they said behind my back. I'm surrounding myself with people who care and who bring nothing but happiness to my life.
My overall goal for 2019: genuine happiness and being my most fabulous self
What are your goals for 2019? Sound off in the comments below!
May your new years be filled with glitz glamour and fun!
Xx FeFe
Peace out 2018, Hello 2019!
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